Bipolar Bears? June 2015

The challenges of life here on earth have been abundant the past few months. Family, work, health issues, fun and love have been keeping me very busy. The last few weeks have been particularly challenging. We have been experiencing some of the blessings of living with loved ones with bipolar disorder

The Polar Bears I lovingly refer to in my blog title are my wonderful family members who suffer from this challenge. I have an uncle, a brother, three sons, one grandchild and a chosen sister who suffer from this confusing, frustrating, unpredictable and often times frightening condition. I have learned a great deal from each of them as they try to live a life of normalcy in their world of sleeplessness, sadness, mania and depression. You are probably wondering why I call this a blessing.

The blessing part of this story came to be long before any of my family members were diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I think God had a plan for me right from the start.

You see, a funny thing happened as we moved around the United States during our families military career. Everywhere we moved I was blessed with a friend who was special. My husband came to the conclusion that something deep inside of me had a magnetic attraction to crazy people. He would often remind me of this as I would share with him my most recent experiences with my unique friends. I never hesitated to remind him that HE was the very first one that I had attracted with that magnetism. I am very grateful for the experiences I shared with those friends. They helped me be comfortable with those who are different, they challenged me to educate myself about the symptoms, causes, needs and extraordinary differences that others possess. I learned with them, counselled with them,  helped them, stood by them, listened to them, cried with them and learned to love them. I shared their stories with others hoping to help those who did not understand become more accepting.

Then, in 2001 my 14 year old son became suicidal, and after a lengthy stay in a behavior unit was diagnosed with ultra rapid cycle bipolar disorder. Two of his brothers followed with similar diagnoses shortly after. It's funny how normal our lives had seemed when they were little children. I never realized that everyone's children were not like mine. Of course now I know that some had an easier time than we did parenting and even more had a far more difficult time. I am grateful to God for sending me the wonderful children that are mine. Each unique and different but bound together with love and eternal family ties.

My little boys were awesome, they were the best kids ever and they still are now that they are adults. They are my life, my joy and my happiness. Life with a houseful of  boys was never dull. They have always been Mama's Boys and it has been so fun and rewarding to have them in my life.

My first son was born in 1974 on a hot June day in Utah. He arrived after a few Pitosin IV's, the doctor breaking my water and his Grandpa (a dairy farmer and my Dad) comparing  my most intense labor to that of a dairy cow having her first calf. My beautiful baby boy came into this world 14 days after his due date, it seemed like I had been pregnant forever. My husband was stuck in Illinois being trained for his military career and didn't get to be there for the event. After giving birth to our 7 pound 14 ounce beautiful baby boy I anxiously awaited his long distance call to the hospital so that I could tell him that he had a son. That was a wonderful and tearful moment for both of us. That new father met his son 6 weeks later at the Salt Lake Airport. I was so nervous. The baby had his new born rash, full blown and covering him from head to toe. His Daddy took one look at him and said "What is all over his face?" I burst into tears and the rest is history. This little boy grew to be a beautiful fair skinned, strawberry blonde child with a smile that could melt your heart.

Then two years and twenty eight days later came son number two. He was in a hurry to come into this world. We became pregnant with him about two years before we had planned, then the Braxton Hicks contractions began in the first trimester and continued until the day he was born, ten days after his due date. My family was on their way from Utah to come help with my new baby and my two year old (that will be a story to share at a later date). I decided to bake homemade cookies for my then three and seven year old brothers. The Braxton Hicks contractions had been coming regularly for seven months, I decided that I had had enough. Cookies were finished baking and put away, so I walked into the living room and announced to my husband that it was time to go to the hospital. He looked at me and replied, "Can it wait until this movie is over?" My answer was NO!

We walked into the hospital around midnight and I asked who the person on duty was. They wanted to know why, and I told them if the midwife, (Major Ballif) wasn't on duty I was going to go home to have this baby. They called her in, she came and checked me. I rolled over about to get up and go to the bathroom and yelled, "I have to push!" A few minutes later we were holding our 7 pound 12 1/2 ounce baby boy. He was beautiful, giant dark blue eyes, long dark eyelashes, lots of dark hair and a beautiful olive complexion just like his Daddy! He took his first breath of air and then peed all over Major Ballif. She didn't seem to mind. After he was born she didn't say "It's a boy." She looked at him and tenderly said his name. I just love midwives!

After that wonderful delivery, that hospital stay became one for the record books, we could not wait to get him home. It was an extremely hot 4 days of summer in Texas, at an Air Force Base hospital with a broken air conditioner, a broken ice machine and rules that resembled those my husband had told me about in basic training.  I survived the 5 a.m. calls to change my own bed sheets, trying to breast feed having to where a long sleeved heavy weight hospital gown over my own nightgown and robe, not being allowed to hold my baby except at feeding time and not ever being allowed to put the baby down on my bed because he might get germs that will make him sick. I am so glad that I am able to laugh about this experience now, at the time we were in such a hurry to get the hell out of there that we took him home in his hospital T-shirt and receiving blanket and even forgot to get him circumsized. This beautiful little baby cried a lot, was sick a lot, smiled a lot, worried us a lot and gave us great joy! I can honestly say that being born was the only time in his whole life that he has ever been in a hurry.

Son number three came into this world only 6 days after his designated due date. He was born in upstate New York on a cold fall day in late September. He came along four years and two months after our second son, just as we had planned, with two exceptions, he was a boy (we were sure it was going to be a girl) and he was born the size of a three month old. A beautiful 10 pound 2 1/2 ounce dark haired, olive skinned wonderful baby boy with 2 big brothers that absolutely adored him. He was a miracle in the making. He new his colors and shapes and could speak with clarity by the age of 9 months. By 18 months he new and could recognize numbers 1-20 as well as the ABC's. When he was 28 months old he came in the kitchen to show me a drawing he had made of our family, to my surprise I could tell who was who, and that was confirmed by the names he had written above each stick figure. He taught himself to read by age 3.

Once this four year old started school he got in all kinds of mischief. By 2nd grade every weeks worth of homework was always completed the day it was received and before he even arrived home on the school bus. The only problem with this little boy was keeping him from getting bored. In kindergarten and first grade this was very difficult. He had a couple of teachers who were very scheduled. They thought that it was important to keep every student on the same learning schedule. Unfortunately the curriculum they were teaching only included subjects at the level that our son had completed before he was three years old. It was very hard to keep him busy. Once when I was called in to speak with his teacher, I found that she was rather angry. You see, this teacher had prepared worksheets in advance (at least a semesters worth) and set them up in the classroom intending for students to complete them one at a time while she was working with each reading group. She ran out of worksheets far sooner than she had anticipated. It seemed that our bright little 5 year old had gotten bored. Worksheets being his favorite activity, next to playing Atari games, he had completed his work and went to get a worksheet as instructed, however after he finished one he went and got a second, then a third and so on. He had completed them all and there were not any worksheets left for the other students to do. I explained to her that he was bored and that he had been reading since age 3, she didn't seem to know what to do with him. I am not sure she even cared that he was bored. She refused to change her curriculum to accommodate our son in any way, to the point that she still insisted that he could not read until he had completed the reading readiness unit.  I could not believe what I was hearing, so the next day I sent chapter books with him to school and told him just to keep them in his desk and pull them out after he had completed his one worksheet a day. It took a few days for his teacher to notice. At parent teacher conference she was not happy, but agreed to disagree. AND I, had always thought that being the parent of two boys with learning disabilities was a challenge. Boy was I wrong.

Number four son took a while to join us. First to convince his dad that Heaven still had a little one that was supposed to join our family, secondly to be conceived. He arrived just 21 days less than 7 years after our third son. He was born in California in 1987. He was most definitely the cutest baby in the whole wide world! Big almond shaped dark blue eyes just like dads, dark hair like two of his older brothers and the most beautiful olive complexion I had ever seen on a baby that was not of color. The one and only time that he was in the hospital nursery for an hour or two, many visitors had commented that he was one of the African American twins that had been born just a minute or two before my son. But he was not, he was all mine. It was my most difficult labor and delivery, my body was older and had been unnoticeably damaged after giving birth to my last baby that should have been delivered by c-section. This 4th baby was born healthy with mom's uterus being delivered shortly after. It took some repair, but I was put back together and the midwife made my husband raise his right hand and solemnly swear to have a vasectomy before my 6 week check up. This beautiful baby boy was spoiled rotten by three big brothers, but like the others grew up to be one of their best friends. To this day I am still proud to say that my boys have and always will be each others best friends.

Son number five did not come from my womb, but became our child through circumstance. You see he was born my nephew. We moved back to Utah when he was 2 years old. His biological parents suffered greatly from mental illness and drug addictions and still do to this day. My parents were doing their best to try to raise him and still allow mom and dad to think they were his parents. His  dad went to prison and mom should have. We tried to get custody of him then, at age two, however Child and family services were not cooperative at all. Even though this child was being abused, mentally, physically, sexually as well as neglected and subjected to drug use, shoplifting, crimes and immorality of all kinds, we were not able to get custody of him until his maternal Grandmother and young aunt came forth to testify of the abuse they had personally witnessed. By then he was 8 years old. We were happy to have him join our family permanently and were proud to call him one of our own. I always new that we were supposed to have five children!

These five wonderful boys brought us great joy. Not without challenges of course, but I am proud to call them my sons. Together we have and continue to weather the storms of life that include, learning disabilities, ADHD, fetal drug and alcohol syndrome, depression, bipolar disorder and now physical disabilities. We stand together and support each other through all of life's challenges. With great faith and persistence all Mama's Boys have grown up brave and strong. They are wonderful sons, husbands, fathers and uncles and I will always be proud to have them in this Mama Bears den of Bipolar Bears.

Between myself, my late husband and our 5 sons we are challenged with clinical depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, (possible) Aspergers Syndrome, anxiety disorder, sequential imbalance learning disability, learning disabilities unspecified, ADHD, ADD, bipolar disorder, fetal drug and alcohol syndrome, as well as severe degenerative bone disease. I am aware that we live in a world of parents, doctors and educators who are against putting a label on children's struggles through life and learning. I have found that most of my children, as well as the children that I have worked with seem to have a need to know why they are different than other children and want to know what caused them to be different. When taught that they can become anything they want to be if they work hard enough and long enough, most challenged children, knowing the hows and whys of their personal struggles are able to not only accept their differences, but embrace them regardless of any label.

Being different can be wonderful. Our challenges can become the blessings that touch our lives and the lives of others. Rather than being discouraged because of our struggles we can use them to better our lives. We can educate ourselves and others about our challenges and help to better the acceptance of mental illness and physical disabilities in the world that surrounds us. Through faith, hope, knowledge and prayer all things are possible.

More to come on living happily with life's challenges.

Thanks for reading.